Music videos are ridiculous on the best of days. On top of that, power metal has bastardized an already-questionable practice and transformed it into an intentional joke that not everybody seems to be in on.
The following is a treasure-trove of special videos that’ll have you cringing like you’ve just been stricken by an energy beam.
Gloryhammer – Rise of the Chaos Wizards
Even the (arguably) most tame on this list is bat-shit crazy. I mean, look at this. Is the meteor alive? Why did Angus McFife stop using the green super blaster in exchange for a hammer? Where are they headed? Then we have hype-man Chaos Wizard unfreeze from the bowels of the meteor to initiate a badass solo.
Nothing is clear, but in the end, I’ve still watched it more than five times.
Rhapsody of Fire – Rain of a Thousand Flames
Genius move showing us boobs in the first five seconds, Rhapsody, because the rest of this video gave me an ulcer.
I don’t get it; are you in a field? The forest? The Cosmic Plane of Flames and Lightning, perhaps? You can’t throw me off with random excerpts of a mostly-naked woman forever, you tricksters.
Brothers of Metal – Prophecy of Ragnarök
While this one might seem too normal, I find it absurd mostly because there is virtually no battling (with the exception of some one-on-one skirmishing) in such an epic-sounding song that sings of Ragnarok. They’re just hanging out and waving their hands around.
And what even is that jump in the middle? At least the mead spilled on his face and not the ground, otherwise that’d be a waste.
DragonForce – Operation Ground and Pound
This one is by far my favourite and it holds a very dear place in my heart. This was the first power metal video I had ever seen. Even though I watched it in seven parts on the most laggy computer known to mankind, eleven-year-old me thought this was the hypest shit of all time.
As most of the rest of this nonsense is, DragonForce is painfully self-aware. But that doesn’t matter, because the guitar hero joke is hilarious and the devastating wind storm is absolutely necessary.
Because of this video and so much more, we will always love you, ZP.
Twilight Force – Flight of the Sapphire Dragon
Twilight Force is undoubtably a Lord of Cheese.
I think that, more than even the energy beams shooting out of the instruments, frontman Chrileon’s actions are the funniest things in the video. He’s basically going nuts over this story he’s telling his friends and nobody else even comes close to matching his level of excitement.
Nanowar Of Steel – The Call of Cthulhu
I deliberated including Nanowar Of Steel but I decided that they had to be on this list. The fish bit at the end was enough to make me choose this one over the rest of their videos.
Also, the dance is catchy.
Stratovarius – Eagleheart
This one is just weird. The sped-up-but-actual-speed effect makes every single movement immensely disturbing. And, the fact that the entire band seems so bored and dull makes me feel like I’m having a fever dream.
Overall, this one’s pretty minimalist, but still manages to bother me to my core.
Nocturnal rites – Avalon
Let me first say: those cinematics. Wow. The rapid flash-cuts make it so choppy that it gives the song the illusion of being 300bpm. And the little girl with the strange, soaring vocals is something else.
One question comes to the forefront of my mind. What in unholy Hell is even happening? I can’t watch this asinine running (which looks like something that weird schoolkids do when pretending to be anime characters, by the way) without bursting into laughter, so I guess I’ll never know the truth.
Also, why is the band safe and sound upon Nocturnal Rites Mountain while the rest of humanity is forced to Forrest Gump its way away from the antichrist?